Violence or Distance?

Kevin, my eyes watered as I read your post. I told Sheila, who was sitting a few feet away, how much I appreciate your willingness to publicly lay your heart open. What an admission to make – “I’m a violent man.” It immediately caused me to reflect on what kind of man I am. I don’t think I would consider myself violent as I have long had a tendency to avoid conflict, sometimes at great cost to myself and my family. I’m certainly not proud of it. What’s interesting is that we both require courage to get from where we are to where we want/need to be. And a ton of humility. Bless you, brother for sharing from the heart, giving us the opportunity to accept the growth challenge. I love you, Kevin.

Kevin, these are powerful thoughts. Thank you for sharing them.

Your comparison and contrast of violence and distance reminds me of a stress management lesson I was taught. A teacher standing in front of the class held out a glass of water for all to see. The students were expecting a question about whether it was half full or half empty, but the teacher asked them to guess how heavy the glass was. Guesses came in as low as 8 ounces and as high as 20 ounces, but the teacher said those answers didn’t matter. Whatever the absolute weight, the teacher said what matters is how long they hold it for. Holding the glass for a few minutes was easy. Holding it for an hour, their arm would ache. After a day, their arm would be numb. The longer they hold the glass, the harder it becomes to hold, though its weight never changes.

In history, we learn that America was created on July 4, 1776, born in an act of violence, the Revolutionary War. We learn about Rosa Parks starting the Civil Rights Movement on December 1, 1955 by refusing the order of a racist bus driver. We think about a man walking on the moon for the first time on July 20, 1969. But these are just moments in a long series of events. America was founded by years of political cooperation and compromising. The Montgomery Bus Boycott that started after Rosa Parks’s arrest lasted 385 days. The moon landing took a decade of difficult work by scientists and engineers.

Violence is usually quick, occurring like a flash or a bolt of lightning. For those involved, time may seem to slow down, but to everyone else, it is usually measured in just minutes. But building something of true value, something that lasts, almost always requires distance. As you say, distance requires discipline and patience and spiritual strength, and those are key ingredients for extraordinary success.

Honey. This is huge.

I would never think of you as “violent” – and yet, as you describe it…. Makes SO much sense. For you, for me, for most of us, I think.

Yes, it’s so much easier to just press thru, try harder, rely on my own strength. Stay in this place of ‘perceived control.’ Or deny the problem exists at all; fabricate a positive spin on every sorrow or struggle in my life. But to let go…to trust in GOD’s timing instead of my own…to allow Him to change me, and walk the long road of healing, refining, recovery…that is SO much harder.

I think we’re turning a corner, you and I.

I think we’re looking down a long road, holding hands, and taking that first step…choosing to go the distance.

I love you.

xoxoxox

The guy you said you were corresponding with sounds very much like a dude I know: a talented, angst-filled, clever pissed-off misfit looking for where his tires should be pointed so he can lay some rubber before he idles his gas tank dry. Will definitely show him your post.