Why your friends and family can’t support your free agency

January 9th, 2012 by Agent Kevin Miller

This was posted just a bit ago in our Free Agent Academy member’s community:

“While visiting family over Christmas, I found that even though my father ran his own, very successful business until he retired, most of my family is not that supportive of free agency.  When I talked about this community and class [FAA], I got “that look” – like I was crazy for thinking of going down “that road”. I need encouragement that “that road” doesn’t end in disaster. Any one else face that kind of “helpful comments” from family?” – Eric G.

 

Here then, is the bottom line reason “Why your friends and family can’t support your free agency”:

Because you’re a threat. Everyone’s going along in the flow, and here you are having the audacity to try and jump out. If you actually achieve something substantial, those closest to you can NOT discount you like they can someone they aren’t closely associated with.

And actually, you don’t even have to arrive at any success to be a threat. Just the very fact that you 1) Desire something more, and 2) Start going after it, is threat enough.

If someone who isn’t close to them goes after and achieves something substantial, they can subconsciously (if not blatantly) discount them and escape feeling inadequate for not doing it themselves. They can assume the person had a lucky break, a leg-up that is not realistic for most, or something that adequately discounts their efforts and achievement in comparison with themselves.

But YOU. You are one of them. They may love you and desire good for you. But it’s not about you, it’s about THEM. They know you and can’t discount you. If you do something extraordinary, it leaves them nowhere to go but realizing and facing their own inadequacies and/or failure to act. Not that they are any less competent (they aren’t), but they aren’t doing anything, and you are. What gall you have! Guilt and admitted apathy are now looking them square in the face.

So what do you do? First, realize that their lack of support and discouragement are not about you. It’s about them, and it’s very emotional and serious. Nobody wants to face the truth of their weakness or lack. Have compassion for them.

But second and more importantly, realize the above reality so you can rise above it. Today, for 99.9% of you, what those closest to you say about you, you believe more than what others not as close may say. If I tell you “You can do it!” you may smile and be thankful, but you can easily discount me too. I don’t know you. And when friends and family say, “Hey, watch out. Don’t get your hopes up. Think about your responsibilities…” it hits you hard. Because…they know you. Or they think they do, and you think they do.

People like me, who may not be as close to you, don’t easily say “You can do it!” because we don’t know you. We say it because we know we’re nothing special. And we see other yahoos who don’t know crap from Shinola, achieving substantial things, partially cause they don’t know any better than to think they CAN do it. And they don’t listen to, or even share, with unwise counsel (read more on this below).

Want to lose weight? Don’t share and seek counsel from your fat friends and family. Go get it from someone who was fat, and is now thin.

Want to get out of debt? Don’t talk to your high-consumer, debt ridden friends and family. Go talk with someone who was in debt, and now is debt free.

Want to escape from the shackles of traditional employment so you are free live out your personal calling and convictions and values? Don’t talk about it with your friends and family who have no concept, care or mind to, and are enslaved to the flow. Get counsel from those that have done it and are actively doing it.

As a matter of fact, part of your responsibility is to achieve free agency for the sake of…your friends and family. As you grow in inspiration and purpose and freedom, you will draw and inspire them to it. Those who rebuked you, will become your fans and followers. Or, they will distance themselves from you because they can’t swallow their own weaknesses staring them in the face. You’ll have to weather that, and I’m sorry.

The only way to stay safe though…is to stay put. And listen to the naysayers. Make your choice.

You’re here reading this because your Creator has put certain desires on your heart. Trust Him. Obey him by doing this, “A wise man will hear and increase learning, And a man of understanding will attain wise counsel.” (Proverbs 1:5). If you have any friends and family members who are radically striving for God’s purpose in their lives and are successfully self-employed doing something they believe in and are passionate about, then by all means, seek them for wise counsel on pursuing your calling and free agency. If not however, love them. But don’t go to them for ‘wise counsel’ on something they know nothing of.

Knowing you and what is possible, is not knowing your normal and the world’s normal. It’s knowing the world’s truthful possibilities and your truthful possibilities.

If you needed brain surgery, would you consult your friends and family for wise counsel on treatment? Or a brain surgeon?