Is this myth you were told as a kid still holding you back?

October 5th, 2012 by Agent Kevin Miller

scott

This morning my 3 year old girl Serene asked to watch a movie. I relented. Passing through the living room later I hear that classic line kids are fed,

“You can do and be anything you want!”

This time it was Blue’s Clues dispensing the harmful propaganda. Nothing against them, I’m hip with the Blue folks, but I cringe at the disservice this message dishes out for a TWO reasons:

1. Too Many Choices

Columbia professor Sheena Iyengar studied choice. She ran a test for an article titled, “When Choice is Demotivating”. They set up a free tasting booth in a grocery store, with six different jams. 40% of the customers stopped to taste. 30% of those bought some. A week later, they set up the same booth in the same store, but this time with twenty-four different jams. 60% of the customers stopped to taste. But only 3% bought some! The truth revealed is having many choices seems appealing (40% vs 60% stopped to taste), but having many choices makes them 10 times less likely to buy (30% vs 3% actually bought).

Being told we can ‘do or be anything’ is overwhelming. How the heck do you pick from everything, as if we’re all duplicate robots of the exact same make and model. Any of you do much shopping for ‘one size fits all’ clothing?

2. You really CAN’T do or be anything

The underlying intent is to free folks from limiting themselves…I understand and appreciate that. But again, I think it hurts us. My buddy Scott Stearman is one of the premier bronze sculptors in the country. I see the work he does and the deep stories he tells in his pieces and it blows me away. I can get mesmerized in the idea of being an artist like him and having my work displayed in some of America’s most prominent faith based and military establishments.

So…I can be a sculpture if I want…right?! Well, I’ve seen what it takes. To do what he does entails some excruciating (to me) amounts of detail. Measuring, math, precision, patience. Four things I am naturally horrid at. In truth, I would hate it and as much as I believe in the opportunity hard work provides, I truly don’t believe I could ever achieve much greatness at the craft of sculpting. No different than a duck winning a dog race. It could enter, but ain’t gonna ever win.

I’m free to try it, but most of the ‘anythings’ out there, I’m not personally adept at. I might be mediocre at best…never great.

A better, more truthful and beneficial line of encouragement:

“You can be the best EVER at a few things you were uniquely created for!”

This truth I’ve realized in myself and in so many others. It’s what I’m telling my kids. Are they free to do and try anything? Absolutely! Go at it. But understand that their unique makeup qualifies them to truly excel at a finite amount of tasks and roles. Seek those out and the world is your oyster. This is my great friend Deb Ingino’s quest at www.MyWiredStyle.com and www.Strengthleader.com.

If this sounds legit to you, but you’re left wondering what are those few things you were uniquely designed for…you’ll have to dig in and do the work to figure it out. Chances of you discovering them on your own are slim, we can’t see ourselves fully. Our Nov. 2-4 Free Agent Academy Retreat here in Colorado outside of Colorado Springs is a profound place to start. It’s four weeks from today. Check out details here.

Have you discovered where you are made to excel?

  • http://www.StrengthLeader.com Deb Ingino

    Thanks for the shout out Kev!

    • http://www.freeagentacademy.com Kevin Miller

      Honored Deb

  • Michelle

    Oh, wow, how many times did I hear from our high school guidance counselors, “Don’t ask us what you should do! You can do anything you want!” They said this simply because of the scores I got on the ACT and other tests I took. But it left me totally confused, heading into college.
    Good word, Kevin. We were all created for a specific, unique purpose, and that’s what we need to find for our lives to be full and rewarding.

  • Jennifer

    Thanks for writing this – discovering your calling is important and FAA is the only place I know of that really cares deeply about helping others discover and foster that calling. Your work is honorable!

    Kevin…I was just writing about how the “virtue of selfishness” is being embraced by a great deal of people in this country – and the idea that people deserve what ever it is they want for themselves. One of the hardest parts of being a parent is to be truthful about disappointments of life – Unfortunately, I still find disappointments difficult to accept due to the fact that I have lived so long in the world of ME!
    https://worththesacrifice.wordpress.com/2012/10/04/disappointments/

    • http://www.freeagentacademy.com Kevin Miller

      Jennifer…I struggle with that too. My church view raised me expecting if you do good and serve…your world will get much better. And if you’re struggling, then you must be lacking righteousness. Though the Jesus and his key men…well, that didn’t quite work out for them. Not here on earth. Circumstances and peace…they war against each other, eh?

  • Steve Jackson

    Great message (as usual), Kevin, but please make one small change. No, you cannot become a sculpture unless your buddy who is the sculptor wants to create you out of bronze. :-)

    • http://www.freeagentacademy.com Kevin Miller

      You’re the second to call me out on that! I went in and fixed it…and see it’s still there. I apparently didn’t save the change. So…thanks again!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1026054025 Wendy Sutter-Staas

    Gee, good thing I read this. .. I have been whispering in Sophia’s ear since the day she was born, “You are going to do great things! I love you so much! You are going to be wildly successful! I love you so much! You can do anything your heart desires. .. ” screeech!! Guess that last point is where I have been at fault. Good thing she is only 7 months old. So. . . Guess I need to change that statements to what you say, “You can be the Best ever at what you are uniquely created for!” — awesome!!

    I want so much for my baby. . and one primary thing I do not want her to have is the constant fog in her mind about constantly thinking about money. Not that I think about it — but I think about not having enough. . .and honestly — I when I reflect, I realize that my life has been that way forever. I have never thought in my head, “Yeah, I can do that” — nothing I have ever done have I been able to say that without also saying “Yeah, I can do that. . . but I will have to squeeze pennies later. . . . ” the “lack” mindset has been apart of my life for so long. . . guess I need to go through the financial FAA class and try to wipe that out. I want her to be cautious. .. but never in constant nagging voice in her head. . .you know?? What we all learn and self reflect on truly affects our children. . I want to only pass on the best — to the best of my ability.

    • http://www.freeagentacademy.com Kevin Miller

      Thanks for this Wendy. Yeah…whispering (sometimes yelling) to my kids that they have greatness in them! Don’t let anyone ever minimize them. God has glory in them! Just have to find where they’re created to harness that glory. And it’s not doing ‘anything’. That’s a recipe for disappointment.

  • http://www.threedimensionalvitality.com/ Ann Musico

    “You can be the best EVER at a few things you were uniquely created for!” That says it all and I wish I’d been told that growing up. But it’s never too late! Great post.

    • http://www.freeagentacademy.com Kevin Miller

      Thanks Ann. Well…pass it on!

  • Michelle

    Great post! I don’t know how many times I was told by the high school guidance counselor, “Oh, don’t ask us what you should do! You can do anything!” That was the worst thing they could have said, because it caused so much confusion for me, heading into college. You’re right, each and every one of us has a unique calling, and that’s what we need to pursue.
    Keep writing! Keep speaking! The world needs you!

    • http://www.freeagentacademy.com Kevin Miller

      Thanks for your encouragement as always Michelle!

      • Michelle

        You are welcome! And sorry for the double post. I didn’t see my first comment, so I thought I had closed the webpage before posting.

  • http://twitter.com/esggraphics Eric Gale

    Kevin, another stellar observation.
    I think that most of the time people
    don’t truly mean you can become or do “anything” you want. It’s a bit of hyperbole that tries to encourage people to reach for more than they have now. Not sure what could be said instead.

    • http://www.freeagentacademy.com Kevin Miller

      Sure, core intent is not to limit yourself. But I see evidence of folks taking it to heart…that they really should be able to be and do anything. Which messes with your head to think you’re just a plug that can fit in anywhere…it’s just not true.

  • http://www.freeagentacademy.com Kevin Miller

    Exactly my point. I was made to be great at some things…but not anything.

  • http://www.freeagentacademy.com Kevin Miller

    Great additive to this topic, a quote my Dad just sent me, ”
    “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.” ― Albert Einstein

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