Start with what you want and why

January 9th, 2013 by Agent Kevin Miller

This is one of my more brief posts, but much more than a mere…post. We are about to revise our trial membership offer at Free Agent Academy. A little shorter timeline and $2 more dollars. But most importantly…a couple requirements. One is some thought toward what the desired outcome is. Here’s what I mean…

Ask yourself or anyone, “What’s wrong in your life, what do you not like, what are you dissatisfied with, what causes you pain/frustration/anger/resentment”, and you’ll have little hesitation. For most, the answers are right on their sleeve and may even erupt like a volcano.

This is what fuels the ‘self-help’ industry. Pain, hurt, dissatisfaction. Books and seminars and eProducts fly off the shelves like free candy.

So why then, are fewer and fewer people changing and progressing and finding peace? Because they’ve never outlined what it is they want, and why.

Two assumptions have to be put in place though, and I’ll use a ‘j-o-b’ as the example:

‘Want’ must be defined as the destination, realization and fruition, not just the absence of the current problem. Meaning, it doesn’t count to say “I just want out of this hellish job!” OK, understood, but what job DO you want?
The want must come from your heart, not your hurt. Meaning, the answer of “Well, I just want a freakin’ job where the boss isn’t an a**hole, people listen to me and I make more money!” doesn’t suffice. You’ve gotta get real with what you really desire aside from your present amplified emotion.

Stepping back and asking what you really desire is key, and hard. Most people will avoid it because clarifying and stating it creates accountability to your actions or lack thereof, toward what you state. Which is why it’s so much easier just to state the frustration or pain and not touch on a solution.

How can you know if you’re speaking your ‘want’ from your heart or hurt? Ask “Why?”. Then filter the why through

Is it for purpose or pleasure?
Does it align with my natural talents, abilities and values?

You should be able to discern #1, but many won’t have clarity on #2. Just do your best. Get as close as you can. Or…get help.

But right now, just consider that being aware of what you don’t like, is not going to help you. At all. Until you stop and consider what you DO want, and why…you’re stuck.

YOU, however…are not like everyone else. When can you stop and take 30-minutes with pen in hand or fingers on keyboard, and dwell on what you want and why? I’ll be waiting to hear…

P.S. Pictured is me…amongst my Life Plan. Dear friend, Free Agent Academy Professor and Life Plan Master Facilitator Jonathan Pool just spent two full days helping me see the threads of my life story and hone in on where I’ve been, where I’m at where I want to go. And lots and lots of…why.

Listen to the show where I expanded on this topic:

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Posted in Idea, Personal Development, podcast
15 Comments
Tags: business start up, calling, career, entrepreneur, free agency, free agent, freedom, purpose, self-employed, self-employment, small business, work

Jason Smith

Time to grab the pen and paper. I’ve been mulling these over for awhile now, but haven’t put them down hard. Now is the time. All this digging deep. It really does come down to 85% is knowing yourself.
- http://www.freeagentacademy.com Kevin Miller
  
  No doubt Jason, and it’s just hard work and…not so ‘fun’ to know ourselves. I just want a result. Now.
  - Jason Smith
    
    I was just listening to one of the previous shows yesterday in the shop. I think you were about 30 some days into the weight training. You made a comment that burned into my mind.
    Basically you said, “This sucks, I do not enjoy it. But I want the payoff.”
    I had to pause the audio and think on that a moment. I grabbed pen and paper and started putting down the “turning point” experiences for the self awareness class. And I was thinking, “I do not enjoy this… but I want the payoff.”
    I feel I’m running short of time, and some changes have to come fast, It’s always slower than I want, but, then again, when those AHA moments hit, you make so much progress in such a short time… Well, you know.
    - http://www.freeagentacademy.com Kevin Miller
      
      Thanks so much for sharing this. Interesting…I’m coming up on 6 months of weight lifting. I still don’t enjoy it. Not like I do running or mountain biking. But yeah…I’m diggin’ the results. When I reach my goal, I’ll cut my weight lifting time down to about 1/3 and go back to running. Till then…I just focus on the payoff. The Life Plan…wasn’t fun. Having to face ‘me’ and my past and present. But I’m eager to use it to get toward a pay off I want. Which brings us back to this post…knowing what you want. I find very few people really know, and therefore quit most efforts to better themselves or their circumstances. I feel this is the only difference I have over others…I generally WANT more. Doesn’t make life easier. But…more rewarding.
      - Jason Smith
        
        So, you said if we did this to post it. Here goes.
        
        What do I want: Freedom.
        
        What does that mean?
        The freedom to: Spend time building meaningful relationships.
        The freedom to: Be creative and innovative.
        The freedom to: spend time helping others by the skills I have.
        The freedom to: learn new things/skills with which to do the above.
        
        Are these for purpose or pleasure? I believe the reason I want freedom is both. I derive pleasure from my relationships, helping others, and learning. I also believe that my purpose is directly related to these.
        
        Does this align with my skills and values? As I currently understand myself, Yes.
http://www.facebook.com/Velexia Celia Triplett

Great post. The heart vs hurt thing strikes home with a lot of Gary’s teachings on Calling.

I love my mother’s favorite ‘trick’. She’ll ask “If I gave you a magic wand that could make your dreams come true, what would you use it to make?” It’s amazing how eye opening being handed a “magic wand” can be some days, especially when you’re mentally or emotionally stuck.
- http://www.freeagentacademy.com Kevin Miller
  
  Jonathan had me answer questions like…”if you knew you couldn’t fail, what would you do?” and “If you had $200k put in your account every year, what would you spend your time doing?” Been a while since I’d contemplated such things…
Doug G

Kevin, I love how you state your want must come from your heart, not your hurt….I think too many people make their decision based on that and then end of in another j-o-b wondering why nothing inside them has changed. I know from my personal journey that those changes never made the deep impact, until I realized the common factor was ME. Your point of moving from the frustration and pain to the solution is dead on. Way too many people resolve themselves to the, “this is what I am”, instead of doing the work to make the change.
- http://www.freeagentacademy.com Kevin Miller
  
  Thanks so much Doug. I’ve experienced this truth in me and so many others. I sure haven’t ‘arrived’, just sharing in the journey
http://www.shalommama.com/ Nina Nelson

I was thinking about this today and then I read the post. So I came to my favorite coffee shop and thought about what I want and why along the way. I’ve written down what I can remember.

My why is:
To live simply, focused on relationships.
To help people simplify so they can focus on what really matters in life.
To help people heal. I’ve always operated in this capacity, even as a child taking care of friends. Healer is the word that immediately comes to mind when I think about myself.

What I want:

A business that incorporates creativity, natural health and my intuitive ability to find pain and help people work through it.
To eat simple, nourishing meals without too much fuss or clean up.
To spend more time off my computer than on.
To live simply (but not in deprivation).
To have less stuff.
To get outside and walk every day and have a regular yoga practice.
A fun, thriving marriage.
To engage more with my kids – helping them pursue what makes them thrive, modeling a life of purpose and close relationship with God.

Not sure if that’s exactly what you meant, but it’s what I got.
- http://www.facebook.com/people/Teri-Miller/100000244322626 Teri Miller
  
  Wow, Nina – you are echoing so many of my desires!!
  Honestly, for me, some come from hurt…but some stem from longing for something more. So hard to differentiate!
  
  Kevin, your words here are convicting – and inspiring.
  Like Nate talked with me about: am I reacting from a fuel-tank of guilt, or a fuel-tank of love???
  - http://www.freeagentacademy.com Kevin Miller
    
    Thanks so much Teri. As usual, just sharing from what I’m privy to in folk’s lives. It always preaches to me just as much. Maybe more.
- http://www.freeagentacademy.com Kevin Miller
  
  Nina…thank you SO much for taking the time to post here. Blesses me, and I know will bless others. Interesting that you wrote your ‘Why’ first. I’ll have to noodle on that. But what you wrote is just…so up my alley. Just as Teri said. We’re kindred spirits. So grateful to be connected with you.
http://christopherbattles.net/ Christopher Battles

Looking back over this since hearing the show the journaling stands out. What we are writing day to day might seem different, but what when looked at together is often a theme. “Oh, God is showing me something…” As others stated, make sure why we feel a certain way so to see if it is from hurt.
Thank you.
- http://www.freeagentacademy.com Kevin Miller
  
  I just cleared out my home office and found two, full journals. What I write down sticks with me so much more than mere passing thoughts…

Start with what you want and why

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