Forget your ‘desires’…tell me your pain and fear
August 11th, 2011 by Agent Kevin Miller
Dreams, desires and even my favorite term, ‘convictions’, are ultimately poor motivators in helping us progress towards anything better in our lives. So today I’m asking you to quit focusing on the positive possibilities. Instead, let’s get really negative.
Why? Because pain and fear are the primary perspectives that cause us to take real action on any worthwhile change in our lives.
And folks, going from a lifestyle of imprisoned traditional employment to a drastically different lifestyle of inspired free agency, is a BIG change. It’s a life change, not just a little work change.
But that’s the point…your work rules your life, so it’s you LIFE you want to change, eh?!
I had a call with a Free Agent Academy member yesterday, Brent Franklin. While he has desires in mind that free agency will provide, it’s the pending doom of not making it and having to go back to the ‘corporate world’ and the ‘cubicle’ that is looming over him and motivating him. He doesn’t want to abandon his kids and be the normal absentee-father-at-work. I told him to put a photo of the cubicle on his bathroom mirror to help him stay committed.
You see, the biggest enemy to ‘dreams’ and better and healthier and anything positive, is that they generally aren’t HAVE TO’s in your life.
If I wished my marriage was better, the reality is that making it better isn’t a ‘have to.’ And in between now and better would be getting messy in the middle. Risk. Hardship. And so, it’s most tempting nothing.
But if I can look ahead and get real with the fear of what life will be like in 10 years as we continue to build walls and grow apart and increase in bitterness and how home life will suck, then I might take action. If I look ahead and contemplate if divorce will occur and what that would do to my kids…then I might take action.
If I wished I was thinner and healthier and had more energy, it’s not a ‘have to.’ And in between now and better is working out and exercising and eating healthier food and NOT eating donuts and ice cream and giving up TV for more sleep. Oh…maybe another day…
But if I dwell on the fact that I’m no longer attractive to my spouse (or if I’m single…to a prospective date), my bad health may ultimately jeopardize my ability to earn income, I’m going to have to buy yet another bigger wardrobe, my kids are going to have to sacrifice their lives to take care of me…then I might take action. When I step back and accept that I’m voluntarily making myself handicapped because I’m letting my taste buds and desire for inactive entertainment rule over my zest for life and I feel the shame…then I might take action.
Most people desire to have control over their time and priorities and strongly desire to devote themselves to something they believe in. They want more time to be involved with their kids, go deeper in their faith, have balance and health and wellness and ultimately live a life of purpose that mattered to anyone, instead of just filling a slot in the machine, a cog in the wheel. And in between now and better is heaping more work on top of a life we already feel is too full, risking the income (‘security’) we have now, stressing relationships (possibly of a spouse who is scared), making lots of decisions instead of just doing what we’re told and undoubtedly making some bad decisions.
But if we dwell on the despair and depression and stress and anxiety and meaninglessness and what that will do over another 10 years…who will we have been for our spouses and kids, what will we have mattered to anyone after all that time doing something we could be replaced at, will we have anything to show for all the years of toil where we rented out our work to an employer who owns the assets, and will we leave the world any better for having had us in it…then maybe…we’ll take action. Or to be more literal, knowing that a merger or acquisition or management change could end the job and we’ll be at the whim of wherever we can find another or we’re going to go bankrupt…
Or my favorite, to understand that in all reality, I may only have a month or a year or so to live and I have this short time to do and be anything worthwhile to anyone, I can’t afford to be complacent. It’s a gamble I can’t take.
I posted an excerpt from this on the Free Agent Underground Facebook Discussion Page yesterday and got some incredibly insightful replies on fears and pains, you can see them here, though I’ll share this posting, as it’s profound:
“I fear I will never be who I was meant to be fully, or that I will only get to be that person during the little personal time I can “fit in” around my job.
I fear my health will deteriorate. I have already had things happen due to stress that I never knew could happen.
I fear not giving my family all they deserve from me, that they won’t get the real me, or all of me. They get the leftovers.
I fear my life not counting, that I will have had little influence on those in the world around me.
I fear I will let my God down by not becoming what he has made me to be.
I fear losing… Me. Where did I go? Did I matter?”
Will you share with us…your pains and fears if you don’t get free from the grind and work from the full capacity of what you have to offer?
Want to make a commitment to yourself and your life? Join us in Colorado September 9-11, 2011 for the Free Agent Academy ‘Accelerator’ Event – “Walk worthy of your Calling” . Let myself and 7 other guides join you in your life. Don’t rely on yourself. We were not meant…to go it alone!
Listen to the show we did yesterday on this topic:
Free Agent Underground Show – “Forget your ‘desires’…tell me your pain and fear”