Self-employed people have more friends

January 29th, 2013 by Agent Kevin Miller

guysattable

It’s the God’s-honest truth, but let me clarify. My point here isn’t that being self-employed garners your more friends, but rather…having more friends is a crucial ingredient to becoming successfully self-employed.

I’m using the term ‘friends’ a tad liberally. It doesn’t have to be bosom buddies, but it does need to be far closer and connected than Facebook ‘friends’ or Linkedin contacts.

If you survey successful entrepreneurs, solopreneurs or just anyone who has something they’re doing to earn some income on the side, the vast majority of the time you’ll find them having an above average amount of involvement, association and connectivity with other people.

Why?

It goes back to one of my favorite quotes regarding self-employment:

“The biggest problem with self-employment is…self. The point is to own your work, not go it alone.”

I like the quote for two reason. One…I coined it. Two, I lived it. It’s my primary Achilles heel. All my past business trials, and most of my current weak areas, are due to relying on myself.

We need connection with other kindred free agent spirits for four primary reasons:

  1. Feedback
  2. Inspiration & Encouragement
  3. Help & Support
  4. Opportunities

I live in a world of free agents. Most of my closest friends and acquaintances are self-employed and are ultra-connected to other people. Much more than I am actually. I’m the guy who goes MIA the most. Sure, I have a large family with my 7 kids that keeps me hopping, but I also just like my solitude. And sometimes I miss out as a result of not showing up or pursuing others.

Which brings up a great point, this is not about being Mr. or Mrs. Extrovert. It IS about connecting with others in an invested relationship.

Example:
A great friend of mine is Justin Lukasavige of CoachRadio.TV. We’ve been friends for a decade or so and live about 4 miles from each other. On paper, he’s an introvert and I’m an extrovert. But he knows the value of connecting with people, and he’s amazing at it. He’s constantly contacting people he sees value in and encouraging them and helping in any way he can. He SHOWS UP a lot socially. And through doing this, it’s ridiculous how many opportunities he gets to be part of immensely cool endeavors. Often it starts with a Twitter or Facebook contact, or a blog comment. He’s classic for doing a quick phone call or accepting a coffee or lunch (that I’d often decline) and then BOOM…he ends up being asked to be a part of something. And whenever he’s in need, he has people show up in a heartbeat.

Case in point…yesterday we spent a couple hours at his office and here I am talking about him. From this, chances are some people will look him up, hire him for coaching, ask him for help or to be a part of something.

THUS…how do you go about generating all these ‘friends’ and connectivity? Go BE a friend. Anytime you find someone you’d like to be connected with (yes, for your own benefit), connect with them. Some sample ideas of things I like doing, or having done to me:

  • Facebook – ‘friend’ people, or ‘Like’ their fan page, and leave a word of encouragement and testimony. Repost things they share or do when appropriate (meaning, it authentically gave you value, don’t just be a groupie).
  • Twitter – follow people and retweet their stuff when it’s relevant (to all those who know I don’t use Twitter much, I know, I know…)
  • Blogs – Leave comments that testify to how their message spoke to you. Thank them. Don’t try to one-up them with your own brilliance.
  • Reviews or Testimonies – You can leave reviews to iTunes podcasts or books on Amazon, these are biggies. And if you do, let the person know, as those things don’t send the author any notice. If you publicly testify to someone online or even to an audience in person, and you know it’s not likely the person will every know about it, contact them and let them know. Not in an “I want credit” way, but in a “I felt someone(s) would benefit from what you do or have to say” way.
  • Inquire – What if you want to connect with someone who doesn’t really have a presence in those above aspects? Just contact them and tell them what you see in them and that you’d be honored to connect to ask for their counsel. Buy them coffee or lunch. Find out what they are pursuing right now and send them a helpful resource or contact.

Again…be a friend. Be their ADVOCATE. Reciprocity is more powerful than money or bribery.

I’d be remiss if I didn’t post two famous quotes from Zig Ziglar. Quotes people give a lot of lip service too, but few really make a priority and take action on:

  • “You can have everything in life you want, if you will just help other people get what they want.”
  • “If you go out looking for friends, you’re going to find they are very scarce. If you go out to be a friend, you’ll find them everywhere.”

QUESTIONS for you
- I’m going to be addressing anything you offer in the Wednesday, Jan. 29, 2013 Free Agent Underground Show at 4pm MT / 6pm ET, which will then be posted for the FAU Podcast in iTunes

  • Got a story of how connecting with someone led to an opportunity or fruition for your free agency?
  • Have a primary way you connect with folks that I didn’t cover here?
  • Sounds good but you don’t understand how this can fit you or your circumstances?

Post in the comments so I can cover it in the show

*Photo: Three friends who have added MUCH to my own free agent success: James Garner (Brand guru), Justin Lukasavige (Marketing guru), George Amequito (Graphics guru)

If you’d rather hear the show where I expanded on this topic:Right-click to download / Listen or subscribe via iTunes

  • http://www.facebook.com/Velexia Celia Triplett

    It’s great, even vital to give value and give of it often. It’s also important to be open to receiving help from your friends. This is the hardest thing to do for a lot of us.

    • http://www.freeagentacademy.com Kevin Miller

      You said it Celia!

  • redeemingcarolyne

    This is SO core and so many people miss it or somehow think they can’t cause they’re just not the kind of person who can reach out to someone. Like you said introvert extrovert it doesn’t matter it is about someone adding value to my life whether that be big or small how can I NOT want to thank them and let them know how they have impacted me!
    I have a great example…..and I do this ALL the time!
    I read an article in a homeschooling magazine and was just left in awe at what this mom had accomplished in her 10 children. At the end of the article there happen to be her email address so I sent her a note honoring and appreciating her efforts. She emailed me back with the warmest response and I was even more wowed by all she shared about their life. She even invited me to lunch if I ever came her way.This was probably two years ago and we periodically still connect AND of all places…….she happens to live in Las Cruces New Mexico which was the very town I researched moving to!
    You also brought back some sweet memories of the beginning of this CRAZY journey. Better than Good was the first Zig book I had ever read and I will never forget what he said. At the time I was completely isolated and alone and YOU said it just like Zig…..want to have real friends get out there and BE ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Thank you for inspiring me! You and your family will always hold a dear place in my heart.
    Carolyne

    • http://www.freeagentacademy.com Kevin Miller

      As always, you are SO gracious and inspiring. Thank you Carolyne. Grateful to have you in MY circle of friends.

  • http://twitter.com/RichAvery Rich Avery

    As I was reading your post, that first Zig Ziglar quote you shared came into my mind right before you then mentioned it in your post. Great minds think alike. :)

    I’ve heard Seth Godin say recently that he has yet to meet an entrepreneur who was sincerely creating value and building into the lives of others who lacked for business.

    His words, and what you shared in this post, really inspire me to find more ways to plant seeds and cultivate relationships with others in a mutually beneficial way.

    I’ve got a couple of friends who, like me, are on the road toward free agency. We all have different gifts that complement each other, and I know there are ways we can work together if we stay connected and look for ways to serve each other.

    I’ve been blessed to make some great contacts recently with people I had previously just known online, by reaching out via email or Twitter to see if they’d be willing to connect.

    Last August, I saw that Kimanzi Constable, from KimanziConstable.com was speaking in Grand Rapids at a WordCamp event. I recognized his name from the 48days.net community, so I reached out via Twitter to see if I could buy him lunch while he was in town. He connected me to some others from the 48days.net community who lived in my area, and we had a great time meeting up during the event, and over lunch that day.

    Last October, I was at Indiana Wesleyan University for a church conference, so I reached out to Erik Fisher who is the social media manager for the university, and the host of the Beyond The To-Do List podcast. I was able to buy him lunch and made a great connection with him.

    In December, I was driving across South Dakota, so I tweeted Andy Traub of The Unofficial Linchpin Podcast (and author of EarlytoRisebook.com) to see if we could connect when I was in Sioux Falls. I was able to buy him breakfast and delve into his world and work a bit.

    Now, after having the privilege of connecting with these people, they aren’t just faces or voices I’ve only seen or heard online, but they’re real people I’ve been privileged to meet and break bread with. And when they launch new books, projects, or products, you can bet that I’ll be one of their biggest fans and supporters.

    Oh, and the next time I come to Colorado Springs, you’d better believe that I’ll be contacting Kevin Miller to see if I can buy you a meal, too!

    • http://www.freeagentacademy.com Kevin Miller

      This is stellar Rich! You’re doing it…this is how it happens. Thanks so much for testifying to all this. And I hear Kevin is a sucker for a free lunch…

  • http://twitter.com/esggraphics Eric Gale

    I certainly agree that having more friends helps with the 4 areas you mentioned: Feedback, Inspiration & Encouragement, Help & Support, and Opportunities.

    Since going full-time into self employment, 2 of my biggest client wins have come because of friendships.

    With the first, my friend Melissa introduced me to Mark and Mark introduced me to the owner of a business that became my client.

    The funny thing is, I went to Melissa since she’s a health insurance agent. She worked with me to try and get coverage for my family and spent 45 minutes of our hour meeting trying to find ways to help me and my business.

    When she introduced me to Mark, she put in a good work for me. When Mark invited me to a networking group (I know how much you love these Kevin), he met me ahead of time to make sure I didn’t walk in without knowing some one.

    Having these types of friends has helped this introvert “get out there” and meet new people.

    • http://www.freeagentacademy.com Kevin Miller

      Great testimony. Sure, I’m not a fan of networking events where you go in blindly hoping to connect. Just not something I enjoy. But you went, having a contact. That’s different, and obviously…beneficial!

  • Jonathan Milligan

    Good stuff, Kevin. I have had a renewed focus in this area in the last few months. I have been talking about it a lot on my blog. Too many bloggers are blogging in isolation and expecting to grow an audience. Instead, we should be reaching out to others.

    We can do that by:

    1. Stop viewing others in our niche as competition.

    2. Surround ourselves with other passionate people.

    3. Participate on other blogs in your niche.

    4. Email other bloggers and thank them when their blog posts have helped you.

    5. Join communities and add real value in the lives of other people.

    6. Join a forum, mastermind group, or community (like FAA).

    The more we understand that we are moving into a Connection Economy (like Seth Godin puts in) the better off we will be.

    • http://www.freeagentacademy.com Kevin Miller

      this is great stuff Jonathan. I especially dig your #1. Thanks.

  • http://coachradio.tv/ Justin Lukasavige

    Great points here, Kevin. I think it’s important that people reach out and build relationships the way that best fits their personality. I’ve somehow managed to do that in a non-threatening way while being an introvert.

    It’s also important that people push themselves out of their comfort zone. It might end up being something they’re good at and gains them a lot of friends and trust.

    • http://www.freeagentacademy.com Kevin Miller

      thanks for inspiring me…and others

www.theonlinecasinoexperts.com