The #1 way to fix yourself

June 01, 2010 | 11 comments. | Comment on this post

I got feedback to last Friday's post, "You're missing half the self-employment equation" that it might have been my best post to date. If you didn't read it, please do. It's about YOU being a key component to your self-employment success…not just a good idea and viable business know-how.

Now…this post assumes you do in fact know you need fixing. If you don't, then I'm here to tell you…you need fixin'. We both do. If you don't believe this…here are your links to mensa and BeautifulPeople. Have fun.

For the rest of us, how do we in fact fix ourselves? Better ourselves? EQUIP ourselves to improve our lives beyond where we are today?

My Teri      

Ready?
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Don't miss this.

This came straight from my wife Teri after reading the aforementioned blog post:

"You…can't…better yourself…in…a…vacuum."

You wake up with yourself everyday. You live with yourself everyday. Your eyes point outwards and you can't look at yourself. Sure, a mirror. It is a one sided reflection of your physical image, that's it. Worthless for anything other than fixing your hair.

We were born and bred for community. We only function on all cylinders when we are living in community.

HEY, I am the most natural born lone wolf, hermit, go-it-aloner there is. If we were discussing smoking I'd be the guy who smoked 10 packs a day, testifying to the disease and dangers.

Someone recently asked me what I attributed all the recent success in my business to. I stopped and thought. The only thing that had changed was…I had appointed more leaders and fostered more community discussion. Meaning, I shut up and let others speak. I'm also getting more input into my life than ever before. It's not always easy (seldom) or comfortable. But I'm not here for comfort. I'm here for purpose. Aren't you?!

So, do you want to progress? Do you want to know your blind spots? Get help. From real people. Not a book or podcast or even…this blog. It won't help give feedback on you personally. I'm not going to answer where exactly you should get help, but here are some ideas. And remember, the point is to get real feedback on your strengths and weaknesses and beliefs:

  • Spouse – only if you have a really healthy, open relationship. Even then, this is not enough.
  • Family – even more scary. Might work for some of you, but not most.
  • Friends – possible, depending again on how intimate, invested and honest and healthy those relationships are.
  • Therapist – shrink, counselor, whatever you want to call it. I'm so-so on this. I've used marriage counselors multiple times to help me get past obstacles in my marriage relationship. So I do believe in this, especially for acute issues.
  • Coaches – I have more belief here. You pay coaches for results. "Here is where I am (I think) and here is where I want to be. What am I doing to sabotage myself?"
  • Communities – this is broad, but I'm talking about invested groups around a shared interest that you are all striving for. Toastmasters does this for speaking. You get up and speak and they tell it like it is.
  • Spiritual leader – a church can be a great place to get counsel. A pastor or leader is often available. But they do need to know you well for it to be relevant.
  • Co-workers, Managers or Bosses – can be dangerous to open yourself up, I realize. But they often spend the most time with you, see all your junk, and are very aware of your…junk. Your strengths too. 
  • Prayer – seeking the Lord…truly and honestly…being in the Word and getting real with yourself…can be profound. However, few folks can really do this. And it can be an easy cop-out with little answers. Do it, but also seek out people. God does most of his work through his people.

If you have resources that have really helped you, it would benefit us all if you shared in the comments below.

I'll follow this post up with areas that you probably need to shore up.

  • http://www.currentfinances.com Don Current

    Let me preface this by saying I’m not just saying this because this is on the Free Agent Underground. The FAA Intensive event I attended hit two of these groups in one. I was surrounded by a community, many of whom were coaches. I got hit hard in some areas I needed hit in and I walked away with a better understanding of what needed fixing in my business. This is a group of people who are here to encourage you, but not to enable you. If something is holding you back, they’re not just going to sit there and say “oh that’s all right”. They’re going to call you out on it. It was exactly what I needed.

  • Carolyne Jimenez

    I think the above are all excellent physical resources,but I also believe the order in which you seek others out is critical.Zig Ziglar’s book, Better Than Good, beautifully details seeking first His will for you life, completely surrendering it all to Him, & serving others through Him(Jesus that is). I can testify to this because I am experiencing it right now in my life, at least the first part. If I don’t do these things 1st all the others you bring into your life will be seemingly ineffective. Now bring the above physical resources into your life after you’ve competely surrendered to God and developed a servants heart- be prepared because He will take you far beyond what you ever could have imagined of yourself doing and being.

  • Carolyne Jimenez

    I think the above are all excellent physical resources,but I also believe the order in which you seek others out is critical.Zig Ziglar’s book, Better Than Good, beautifully details seeking first His will for you life, completely surrendering it all to Him, & serving others through Him(Jesus that is). I can testify to this because I am experiencing it right now in my life, at least the first part. If I don’t do these things 1st all the others you bring into your life will be seemingly ineffective. Now bring the above physical resources into your life after you’ve competely surrendered to God and developed a servants heart- be prepared because He will take you far beyond what you ever could have imagined of yourself doing and being.

  • http://profile.typepad.com/1240725234s1967 Kevin Miller

    Don – well…thank you brother. So appreciate you sharing this, and
    mostly…for becoming a part of this movement with us. Honored to be a
    part of your journey!

  • http://profile.typepad.com/1240725234s1967 Kevin Miller

    Don – well…thank you brother. So appreciate you sharing this, and
    mostly…for becoming a part of this movement with us. Honored to be a
    part of your journey!

  • http://profile.typepad.com/1240725234s1967 Kevin Miller

    I agree Carolyne, but just realize most folks arent able to just go to
    the Lord and hear what they need to. Even there, they often need
    guidance from a human.

  • http://profile.typepad.com/1240725234s1967 Kevin Miller

    I agree Carolyne, but just realize most folks arent able to just go to
    the Lord and hear what they need to. Even there, they often need
    guidance from a human.

  • http://sevenchapters.typepad.com/7chapters/ Brenda Dunagan

    It took me over 40 years to realize it was okay (and in fact, necessary) to ask for help…from REAL people, as you note. People who are genuine, tell it like it is, and wise. Hmmm…sounds like a few I just spent the weekend with recently, doesn’t it? :-)

  • http://sevenchapters.typepad.com/7chapters/ Brenda Dunagan

    It took me over 40 years to realize it was okay (and in fact, necessary) to ask for help…from REAL people, as you note. People who are genuine, tell it like it is, and wise. Hmmm…sounds like a few I just spent the weekend with recently, doesn’t it? :-)

  • http://profile.typepad.com/1240725234s1967 Kevin Miller

    Brenda – Yeah, I had to realize I in fact…did not know it all.

  • http://profile.typepad.com/1240725234s1967 Kevin Miller

    Brenda – Yeah, I had to realize I in fact…did not know it all.