This may be the Holy Grail of change

July 25th, 2012 by Agent Kevin Miller

grail

The focus of all Free Agent shows, blogs, podcasts and events is ultimately personal development. At face-value the main topic of course is work and self-employment, but we only want work to be better because we want our lives to be better. And changing our lives is about changing ourselves.

I didn’t really set out to focus my vocational life in personal development, my focus was business development. Getting people to find what they cared about, and how to package that care into a product or service that benefits the world in some way AND makes a buck. Or better…a million bucks.

Hear the show where I expanded on this topic:

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But what I found in people who are in traditional employment and want to work at something they find true purpose in…the crux – the root – the foundation – the primary challenge, the big enchilada is: personal development.

And further, even those already working at what they truly find purpose in and even those who are already successfully self-employed, when they want to progress further, the crux – the root – the foundation – the primary challenge, the big enchilada is STILL primarily: personal development.

What is personal development? Personal change.

WHY IS IT SO HARD FOR US?! Why do we generally fail, and as a culture expect and accept a high failure rate?

We all have a long, long laundry list of ways we’ve wanted to change and grow and progress and yet failed. Why have we read hordes of New York Time bestselling books, plowed through miles of blogs, listened to countless hours of podcasts, been to seminars and conferences galore (including youtube videos like the most excellent TED content) and yet changed so very, very little…if at all?

You ready for my brilliant, insightful, genius, divinely inspired holy grail of truth?

Now I’m a little nervous. I could be wrong. But what sells me is…I’m just a regular schmuck like you, and this is what seems to get me every time. And I see the same thing with so many people I’m fortunate enough to walk with as they pursue personal change.

So without further ado, I believe the HOLY GRAIL OF CHANGE IS: We just don’t want to risk changing our current normal.

What is normal to us today has a stronger strangle hold on us than our desires, dreams, convictions, fears and hopes. Again, please stop and think about it; What is normal to us today has a stronger strangle hold on us than our desires, dreams, convictions, fears and hopes.

My experience is this reality exists for two reasons:

  1. What we know is safe. Even if it’s near hell. Beaten wives and kids and people whose loathsome work is giving them ulcers and suicidal thoughts verify this daily by staying in what is normal for them. At least they know what to expect and there is safety and faith in that.
  2. Our normal is usually made up primarily of our culture’s normal. And the cultural norm is, well, all we know. What were were raised up in environmentally is our greatest and foundational programming. Bucking the norm is fun to watch a character do in an epic movie, but we don’t do it ourselves or condone it in real life. It’s uncomfortable, we face ridicule, disapproval and ‘concerns’ from those who we really just want to please. We’re not much different than in high school where the overwhelming pressure was to be popular, or at least liked, or at the very least, not picked on and disdained.

We don’t want to change normal. We’re stuck in normal. Altering normal will initially hurt in someway because it’s unknown.

I wrote about twice as much on this and just deleted it. You get the point.

This truth (if I’m in fact on target…?) doesn’t make things easier for you or me. It doesn’t solve anything. It’s just merely an aid for understanding the score. To help us know what to expect. My great friend Gary Barkalow gives a great analogy of ‘knowing the score’ with an analogy of what kind of ship we perceive our life is on. Please watch this quick 3:26 video before you keep reading:

Now, if you desire anything to actually change in your life, you must resign yourself and commit to changing your current normal. Disturb the calm waters of the cruise ship you’ve been trying to journey on, and buckle down for a battle ship. Shake things up. Get out of your box. Or in other words…risk. Risk what you know and have perceived safety and faith in.

Will the effort be worth it? As my buddy Todd Zeller says, if your current normal is at level 6 and you want it to be a level 9, are you willing to risk going to level 2 to get from 6 to 9? Most are not.

And if not, at least save yourself the wasted effort and hope. Realize the next self-help book, podcast, blog, seminar or video is just an attempt for some feel good inspirational entertainment and not really fuel for true aspiration (where you take action).

The only way Free Agent Academy is able to help guide people to clarity on their Purpose and applying it to their work, creating a business and changing their life is if they are finally ready to disrupt their current normal for a better normal. We’re game to join you in this for a whopping $95.

Can you relate to this topic of changing normal? Have you been seeking and pursuing and desiring better in your life…but not really ready to change your normal yet? Or, have you had experience of finally changing your normal and realized the payoff?

Please share below…

Photo by Dave77459
  • http://www.facebook.com/joncasillas Jonathan Casillas

    http://48days.net/profiles/blogs/501-c-4-concept-i-am-working-on is my changing normal at this point…very timely for me thank you

    • http://www.freeagentacademy.com Kevin Miller

      Thanks Jon, just responded over there

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1026054025 Wendy Sutter-Staas

    Kevin,

    The key is to just do something — start with one thing, then move to the next and then the next. . .after a year we are WAY different than the year prior. . . When I first joined FAA, I was a mess. . .now look!!! 4 years later I am definitely a different person. Is there stuff that needs changing — HECK YEAH!! I am constantly going around in circles — knowing what I need to do — do it for a little bit, then get tired of it when I see everyone else around me doing what I should be doing. . .sometimes I just don’t have the strength. So, I extend myself grace and just don’t do it. . .for a bit. Then when I have rested. . I work from that rest and seem to have more ‘power’ to accomplish that goal and stick with it.

    Juggling it with a daughter is more difficult than before — so I get to learn to juggle and then impliment new things to make me a better person. . . step by step I will reach my goal. Will it be a quick as one of those ‘epic’ movies. .. nope!! But we all know that in reality — that person in the epic movie — it took him decades to get to be ‘epic’ anyway. :)

    Rock it on friend!!

    • http://www.freeagentacademy.com Kevin Miller

      Wendy…you’re a great example of getting used to changing normal and the ‘risks’ associated with it. Risks that aren’t so harsh. That you don’t end up homeless and destitute. You continue to inspire sister.

  • http://twitter.com/RuggedSoapMaker Brett Traudt

    I am definitely at a place in my life where I am taking a risk. It is so comfortable to just stay normal and do the same thing over again without change. As always, words spoken have come at the right time and I am one of those who you speak of about seeking the next best thing. I have become a different person through all of the personal development ideas I have implemented and I am so glad I was open to learning. Like most people, it does stop if you don’t implement and follow through.

    When I was in grade school, I really enjoyed the “Choose Your Own Adventure” books. Somewhere along the line in our lives… we stopped choosing our own adventure. Or maybe we forgot that we were on an adventure. You know that I am at that point right now… what we do with this next adventure will be up to my wife and I. We are not in this alone though because we have such a great group of mentors, counselors, coaches and friends that support us and understand. Thank you for this great post.

    • http://www.freeagentacademy.com Kevin Miller

      So proud to be with you brother. Yeah, we often trade our adventure for comfort, and call the comfort ‘responsibility’. It’s not responsible. It’s just feeding our flesh. Let’s feed our souls and the world instead, eh Brett?!

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1026054025 Wendy Sutter-Staas

      I LOVED the choose your own adventure books too — I wish they made them for adults for just fun creative reading (maybe they do, but I haven’t looked for them. . . then again, what is wrong with reading a kids book again) :) Excited for both you and Le’Zette!!!

  • redeemingcarolyne

    Oh my so much to say…….
    Once you conquer stumbling block #1 and you are ready and willing to face change then creeps in stumbling block #2 it is EXCEEDINGLY harder than you ever could fathom and so after several goes at HARD you eventually GIVE UP! No one’s journey of worth will EVER be “easy”. Somehow we convince ourselves that our “hard” circumstances that we are in are as bad as it gets and if we are tenaciously dedicated to change then surely our efforts will produce a sweeter path. Yes, you will get to a better place(eventually) but you might not call the path there sweet! The challenges for everyone will be to varying degrees but for many they will be hard, then harder, then the hardest ever, then excruciating…….then you just say, “what am I doing all this for? This royally stinks. I put in ALL this effort and I have nothing! In fact, I am worse than when I started!” That is were the desire to quit kicks in big time!
    What if you are willing to give a 100% to your marriage with nothing in return?
    What if you are willing to work tenaciously into the wee hours of the night to find a way to earn an income and for years you earn NOTHING?
    What if you have “seemingly” everyone against you?
    What if you have to walk through all that “stuff” you swept under the carpet?
    What if your walking through all your “ugly” brings you to the deepest, darkest place you have ever been to?
    What if “making it” hurts more than you ever wanted to hurt?
    What are you “willing to”………what are you willing to?

    But……what if you don’t quit?

    What if going through all that is the only way you will ever come to the abundant blessings God has for you. If you’re not willing to suffer for glory than you will never know the beauty that is waiting for you! You will NEVER EVER EVER attain it through easy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Find someone you admire, look up to, & want to emulate….I don’t now maybe, Kevin Miller. Then research their story, the REAL story, not the sugar-coated version. You will find blood, sweat, & tears probably far beyond anything most of us have ever experienced before.
    Are you willing to go through the “that” to get to YOUR “this”?

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1026054025 Wendy Sutter-Staas

      Wonderful Carolyne!!! I am saying, that is EXACTLY how it is. . . it goes from mediocre, to bad, to worse, to horrible, to HELLA BAD, to okay, better, getting better, not so bad, fun, wonderful and then , maybe all the way back to HELLA BAD and back again. .. then. . . .GLORY WITH JESUS!!! Why do I say it that way?? While we are here, we are all NEVER guaranteed a fun and easy life. . .however, even when things are bad, perspective and attitude can make it WONDERFUL, in the bad. On when we join Jesus in His Glory will we experience true AWESOMENESS!! I can’t wait to hear the words, “Well done good and faithful servant” — I don’t think we get there by sitting on the couch with potato chips, watching tv and living mediocre. . .we may get to heaven for sure if we know Jesus. . . but I am looking to slide in going ‘WOO!! WHAT A RIDE!!”

  • Chris Puckett

    I am currently struggling with this in two major areas of my life. We left home and moved to our current location as part of a requirement for taking a job in February 2010. We were only suppose to be here for a year and then transfer back to where we came from. It’s been 2 and 1/2 years now, I have since quit the job, and I don’t like living here, but it’s become familiar and there is comfort in familiarity which makes it difficult to leave even though I really want to live somewhere else. The other example of this is my having 2 struggling businesses because there is a huge comfort in having a fall back even though the fall back is the reason for the struggle. I know if I let one go I could focus fully on the other and make it great instead of just getting by. I took a huge risk starting out on my own and leaving the J-O-B behind, now feel just as much fear, if not more, when I think about changing direction or pulling back in one area or another even though it’s what needs to be done.

  • http://christopherbattles.net/ Christopher Battles

    Personal change is huge. I had a friend tell me the other day how I do settle so easy. It is something I know, but needed to hear from someone else so the timing is the podcast(blog) is big. Also I was prophesied over last night and was told I need to pray and pray and pray and minus my list of people and a few other things I do daily that has been the extent of my prayer life lately. As you said, it is overcoming those fears we have that we let trap us.
    Like I said, the timing is great on this.
    Thank you Kevin.

    K, bye

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